Terry I did the same thing you did for 33 years! When I found out that what I had believed was not true,I could not accept that I had been duped all those years. The very strong desires implanted in me concerning living forever in heaven ( Catholic upbringing ) living forever on a paradise earth ( Watchtower upbringing ) led me on "The Search For Truth" concerning these two conflicting teachings.
I have concluded, and not very lightly, that the only way I could ever accept for myself what is true when it comes from men and their teachings including all the various culuters, disciplines and 'Holy Writings' of other belief systems, is by having an epiphany.
Not withstanding that, I have reached my stopping point at Deism.
Thank you for all your topics and post responses you make with such clarity.
Blueblades/Mall Cop